My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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