please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
