He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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