I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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