if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
it hurts more in the daytime
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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