cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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