there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
