i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
