Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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