Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
