Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
