Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
