Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
not ubering you a puppy
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
