party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
