I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
