Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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