Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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