i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
