I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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