oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
