whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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