I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
I wish i was in the wii world.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
