I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
