I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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