a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
