Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
