Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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