Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
