just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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