I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize