Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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