the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
