You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Randomize
