His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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