I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
