He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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