All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
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