I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Randomize
