Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
