sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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