Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
