Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Randomize
