I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Randomize
