K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
