I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
