If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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