Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize