I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
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