Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
