It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
