Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Can I color on your dick again?
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
