We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
