dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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