I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Can i not drive my cunt home
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
