sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
