I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Randomize
