Can i not drive my cunt home
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
