Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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