i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
