i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Who died my cat blue again?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
