i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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