you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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