The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
