Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
