At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
