you would pick up someone in the library
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
