I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
