Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
