I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
