I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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